Hostile Environment?
From the coach’s mail bag, Do you need a Family Reunion Energy Rescue Kit?
Hi Catherine,
I have been invited to attend a family reunion at a restored ranch in Arizona. It is all expenses paid, which is, as you say, delicious, but….
My family gives me hives. Well, maybe not physical hives, but if there is such a thing as being allergic to your own family, I have it.
I don’t want to turn down this trip, but I don’t want to go through all their drama and trauma. They don’t understand my life choices right now and I don’t want to defend myself.
Thanks so much for your perspective on all of this!!
This story from the coach’s mailbag is a combination of several people’s feelings. Can you relate? How do you hold on to your good feelings if you are surrounded by grumpy grumpingtons.
Why do certain people rub you the wrong way no matter how much you prepare to be with them? Is it even possible to spend a lengthy time, a week or more, with people who may be related but aren’t fun for you to hang around with?
Well, I say *Yes with an asterisk.
Sometimes the simple answer is NO. Not every family occasion is an automatic yes. If you have grown up with a narcissistic parent who manipulated or “guilted” you growing up, you might get a strong no when invited on a day with family.
That is why I put an asterisk on that Yes. As you step out into the world of frequency and vibration (your ability to stay in a decent mood) you get to say no.
In my life, my uncomfortable “NO” was around my son’s wedding. This was many years ago now. My mom is no longer on the planet so I can tell the story without hurting her feelings. She had lots of issues and by the last half of her life, any rapport we shared was badly frayed.
Her narcissistic patterns made distancing myself from her a difficult reality. Now I see that she didn’t consciously choose to act like she did. She had an inner drive to be the center of attention that brutalized her relationships.
When my son got married, I had just recovered from a major surgery and was very weak. I had the emotional energy of a flea. I am still amazed and grateful that I was even strong enough to fly to Tennessee to be part of the wedding just 4 months after having my rectum removed.
My mom, God love her, was insisting on being at the wedding. She had spent zero time with my son since he was maybe 10 years old. All I could do was to keep trying to explain to her what I needed to be ok with my former inlaws (not a picnic) and to have the stamina to make it through the ceremony myself.
She didn’t hear me. For the first phone call. The second phone call. The third phone call. And on it went.
I stood firm and said NO.
She finally released her need to be at the wedding and while the day was still challenging, I did the hard thing and took care of me. So that is why I say, sometimes, your answer may be no. Your guidance will help you. (If you can’t hear your guidance, email me.)
So what does that have to do with my friend and her reunion? Everything. If you DO decide that you want to do a family do, you have to have a First Aid Kit prepared. You must have a solid plan for what happens if you get overwhelmed.
In a very real way, when you go to be with other humans who you don’t spend a lot of time with, you are stepping into a “hostile” environment. I don’t mean the people are hostile!!
I repeat that, I don’t mean the people are hostile.
It is just that when a lot of humans get together with all their unexpressed emotional shit, it is not pretty.
Imagine putting a lily out into the frigid cold. Could the lily function properly? Of course not!
So here is an energy tool kit that you can use as a remedy whenever you have to be with family who isn’t able to support you the way you wish they could.
Family Reunion Energy Rescue Tool Kit
1. Plan on Breaks. Plan on taking the dog, the kids or your old granny out for a stroll around the neighborhood for 10 to 15 minutes every hour. This is not a marathon. Who says you need to sit staring at the same people for hours.
2. Do Your Own Thing. For at least 3 to 4 hours every day. Do your own thing. Read a book. Get a massage. Hide out from the crowd. Plan on it. Don’t give excuses. Say, “I will meet you later.”
3. Choose to Find Fun. No doubt you are at a beautiful venue. Make a point of finding things that only you truly enjoy. Look around for clues from the Universe that are only for you. Is there a class you can take? Explore the facility for you.
4. Spend Time Outside. Spend as much time as you possibly can outside. Walk and breathe. Remind yourself that you are fine exactly how you are. Remind yourself that your family only sees one side of you and that you will always be a kid to them.
5. Make Reasonable Expectations. Take the time before the trip to work with a close friend, coach or mentor on what is reasonable for this trip. Many times when you are into the personal development world, you think you should be able to handle anything. Expectations can be very comforting if they are balanced. Don’t travel without a clear intention and expectations you consciously pick.
Shameless Self Promotion:
Let Your Wonder Woman Flag Fly!
Life has dealt some interesting cards. Divorce, Cancer and Business False Starts have stretched me. With the help of energetic healing techniques like #EFT and books like #E-Squared by Pam Grout, I am now thriving again. I am living happily on my own and have restored my own self confidence and passion. If that sounds like something you are looking for, I urge you to check out The Wonder Woman Experiment. See you on the other side!