Freedom isn’t Free

Random Thoughts About Freedom and Being Single

❤️ Escaping from my second marriage (certain words I never thought I would string together) was a miracle. Here is an article I wrote at the time.
❤️ Even though it took five years to get out, it was still scary. People said, “Aren’t you afraid he will see this article??
❤️ I said no because in the first place, he would never read such an article and if he did, he certainly wouldn’t see himself. But I was still scared.
❤️ I remember the day two years ago when I went and checked on this article and it had 2500 hits.
❤️ I was completely stunned. It was the highest readership of anything I had ever written at that point.
❤️ There was no one in my family to share with. No one knew what I was really going through.

It can be very lonely in an abusive relationship without physical scars

Take a look at the risky article at the end of this post. I wrote it at the same time I was breaking away from a man who told me every day, “No one cares what you have to say. Why are you wasting your time online. No one cares about your ideas. Get a job. You have a masters degree. Get a job.” Day after day after day, the same refrain.

Did it scare me to write this article? Yes. He is a violent and manipulative man and I am lucky to have escaped with my dog and my computer in 2013. But, it is highly unlikely he will see the post and if he did, he wouldn’t recognize himself, I am sure. It is one of my most popular posts. That says a lot.

The damage of hearing how worthless you are day in and day out takes a toll.

This was at the same time he was overspending his meager state pension and blaming me for his misery. Uni has such a sense of humor. Was I afraid to post this? Yes. My fear was irrational. This man is a coward. He would never fulfill his threats to “throw my ass out on the street.” He told me daily that I ruined his life. I met him when he was 61. The damage of hearing how worthless you are day in and day out takes a toll.

Even though I heard that month after month as he mismanaged his own finances, I somehow never gave up. I started listening to Abraham Hicks in around the year 2000. I am not sure. When I heard the ideas, something deep in me said yes. Fuck yes. Fuckety Fuck Yes. Yet, I still married this man, even though he was not a match to me.

It all felt so logical.

I knew I didn’t fit with the people around me and I knew I couldn’t change them. Listening to Abraham speak through Esther just felt right. It all felt so logical. Then how in the hell did I marry this man when he was so opposite of me?

How could my intuition have been so misguided?

Safe and Single

Fast forward twenty years, how is that possible, I stand today single at 67 with internet that works at one tenth the speed of what I am used to. I have no Starbucks or Tuesday Morning to visit. I live in a rural village where there is nothing but life. I have never been happier.

Is it easy? LOL. No. But it wasn’t for the pioneers either. Choosing to live so far off the grid brings me a life I didn’t know I was missing. Shrug. What else can I say? So, I share this article with you today.

One thing I can pretty much guarantee, getting your brain to cooperate and co-create a new independent mind space to build your life on is worth every bit of effort it takes.

I promise.  https://www.yourtango.com/experts/catherine-behan/how-spot-narcissist-first-date

Can you relate? Leave a comment if you have dated or been married to a narcissist. You matter and I care.